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I think I'm going to take a break from Koochie Taster for a little while. No real reason--just not much to write about right now.

But, as always, please feel free to ring me up on IM or send me an email. I'll be around.

Inspired by Vortexia's hot tub post yesterday I thought I would share the details of a similarly uncomfortable situation that happened to me not too long ago.

I was on a business trip to San Diego. The work day was over and I was heading down in the hotel elevator to relax under the sunset in the hotel's outdoor hot tub. The elevator stopped halfway down and a mom and her two kids, a boy and a girl, got in. The kids were in their early teens--somewhere around 13 or 14. Like me, all three of them were dressed in their bathing suits. When we got down to the floor where the pool was, we all headed outside onto the large concrete patio that surrounded the pool and hot tub. I noticed that the hot tub was empty, and, thinking that I would have it to myself while the family played in the pool, I headed over to the tub and eased myself into the warm, bubbly water. There were a number of cute flight attendants staying in this hotel, and I began to imagine a couple of them showing up and slipping into the hot tub with me.

But that fantasy was short lived as I discovered that the mom and her kids had decided to join me in the hot tub instead of using the pool. "Crap," I thought. Just what I need is a couple of noisy kids jumping around in here. And now everyone is going to think I'm their father and this woman is my wife. So much for the flight attendants.

So for the next ten minutes or so I sat there listening to them make small talk with each other. The kids actually were very quiet, so it wasn't as bad as I had feared. In fact, they were curiously well-behaved--a detail that would make more sense in a few minutes. Eventually, the mom announced that she had had enough and was heading back up to the room. She told the kids they could hang out as long as they wished. She got up out of the hot tub, dried herself off, and disappeared into the hotel.

Well, no sooner had the mom disappeared when the boy slid over right next to the girl and put his arm around her. And before I knew it she was sitting on his lap with her arms around his neck. "Whoa!" I thought. Clearly I had made a gross misdiagnosis in assuming that these two were brother and sister, and, feeling like a total third wheel, I decided to get up and go into the sauna for a few minutes.

When I came back out of the sauna, the boy and girl had apparently cooled off a little and were now splashing around in the pool. I needed to cool off myself from the heat of the sauna, so I jumped into the pool and swam a few laps, eventually getting out and heading back to the hot tub. After a minute or so, the two of them did the same, so once again it was the three of us in the hot tub together. This time, however, I figured I would stick around since I had just sat down and clearly they didn't mind my company since they had chosen to get into the tub with me instead of staying in the pool.

By this time the sun had pretty much set, and it was getting quite dark. And with the darkness came a renewed interest in the activities that had previously prompted me to get up and head into the sauna. The girl once again climbed onto the boy's lap, this time straddling him. And before I knew it they were furiously making out. Clearly, these two were not shy about expressing their puppy love in front of me. I wondered if in fact they were doing it on purpose and it was turning them on. I did my best not to stare, but seeing as how they were right in front of me on the other side of the tub, it was difficult to keep my eyes fixed on other things. Her hands were all over his bare chest, shoulders, neck, and back, and although I didn't actually see him cup her breasts (her back was facing me), he did come awfully close several times while rubbing her sides.

Eventually I had had enough. I still hadn't seen any flight attendants, and I just wasn't comfortable hanging out any longer in case these two kids decided to take it up one more notch. And besides, I had been in the water long enough. At the same time, it occurred to me that by leaving I was almost certainly removing the last remaining barrier (other than their bathing suits) that was keeping them from all-out fucking. Nonetheless, I got out of the hot tub, grabbed my towel, slipped on my sandals, and headed back up to my room. What they did alone in that hot tub after I left is anyone's guess.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't turned on by those two kids. Two wet bodies pawing each other in an obvious display of desire and passion is erotic no matter how you slice it. And me being all alone on a business trip without a girl of my own to hold only made it worse. But masturbation that evening didn't come easy. I needed the release of an orgasm, but at the same time I was unable to maintain an erection with the image of those way-too-young kids so fresh in my mind. Thankfully, my wife had snuck a picture of the two of us into my suitcase. If I can't get her to fuck me on a regular basis in real-life, you better believe she does it in my imagination all the time. And that's just what I needed that evening in my hotel in San Diego.

You know what really turns me on? A girl with long hair down past her waist. It's so rare that I can't say I've seen it more than a handful of times in my life. And I'd have to imagine that it's an incredible hassle to live with on a day to day basis. And since even normal-length long hair tends to get in the way when you're having sex, I'd imagine that hair down to your ass could get annoying pretty fast in the sack. But having said all that, I still can't deny that the look is incredible. Long, flowing hair that swings from side to side and brushes against her butt. And the little space in between her hair and the arch of her lower back. Mmmm. All girl. Totally feminine. There was a girl at my first job in college that had hair down to her ass and I loved to watch her walk around. She could make me lose my train of thought by just stopping and turning around, her hair flying around behind her.

I'm buying the tickets today for the Social D show. Although there were plenty of eager young ladies who expressed an interest in going with me, sadly none of them lived close enough to make it a reality. So instead I've opted to go with a couple of my male friends. I briefly considered going by myself--the idea being that I would feel more comfortable meeting girls at the show if I was by myself, but I don't know if that's really true, and besides, it'll be nice to have some company. Especially since the venue is in the absolute worst part of the city, and that two block walk in the dark from the subway station to the club is always a little freaky when you're alone. Even if you are a 6'4" male.

[As an aside-note, how can it be that I live in the fourth largest metropolitan area in the US and yet none of my readers are local?]

The show isn't actually for another week and a half, so I suppose the opportunity still exists for one of you girls to come with me, but it won't be just the two of us any longer, and we'd have to concoct some sort of story as to how we know each other since I don't want these guy friends to know about my blog.

But regardless, I'm looking forward to it. Last time there was plenty of bare boobage up front. Those punk-rocker chicks love to show off their assets to Mike Ness. So I need to get there early and get a good spot up near the stage.

No post today. You can blame Kinky. I spent all my free time reading her last two stories (The Shack and Nice Touch) not to mention her fan fiction from Justin.

Kinky, if you had a nickel for every time some guy on the internet imagined fucking you...

I have decided to start doing my morning exercises in the nude. Basically, this consists of push-ups and sit-ups followed by masturbation (cock exercises, gotta keep everything in shape, you know). Since I sleep in the nude, and I have to take off my shorts in order to masturbate, it only seems logical that I should just stay naked until I'm all done. Plus, there's something slightly erotic about exercising in the nude which, in turn, makes the orgasm that much more intense. I don't know why I never thought of this until now.

I also either walk or ride my bike every day, but I suppose I'll have to stay clothed for those activities.

I have gmail invites in case anybody wants one.

This story makes me think maybe I shouldn't have destroyed that girl's phone number after all.

I got a hand job this morning. From my wife, no less.

It think it was because I cleaned the kitchen floor.

I wonder what I'd have to clean to get a threesome with her sister.

My daughter is in the family room watching her favorite TV show. She is mesmerized. I wave a hand in front of her face but I get no response. My wife is in the study, checking her email. My son is asleep in his crib, taking a nap.

And I am horny.

I walk upstairs to our bedroom. No point in closing the door--no one's coming up here anytime soon. The windows are open. I can see our neighbors working in their yard. No point in closing the blinds. They can't see me unless I'm standing up. I lie down on the bed. I'm already in bare feet, so my shorts are the first things to come off. Then my boxers. Absentmindedly I rub my fingers along my cock. The tingle I've been feeling all morning starts to grow. I move one hand up to touch my chest, caressing lightly, pretending the touch is from a girl. My other hand brushes my pubic hair. Gently I pull a little hair with my fingers and then cup the whole mound, kneading--softly first, and then a little harder. My cock is getting larger, inching its way towards my navel. I wrap my fingers around it and start to tug a little. Mmmm. A gentle breeze is blowing through the window and across my skin. I can hear the drone of a lawnmower down the street somewhere. I close my eyes. The pleasure is building. I reach my hand down to cup my balls, rolling them between my fingers. My cock is getting very hard. It's almost time. I look over on the bedside table and spot the bottle of K-Y Liquid that has waited there patiently for over a month now. I wonder. The K-Y isn't necessary, and requires more cleanup, but... I'm in no hurry. I reach for the bottle and flip up the lid. With one hand I make a fist around my cock, and with the other hand I slowly dribble some liquid onto the tip. It hits my slit and then starts to run down the side in between my cock and my fist. I dribble a little more and it runs down the other side. I start to move my fist up and down and the silky lubrication spreads across my cock. Oh God, with the lubrication, if I do it just right, I can almost make my hand feel like a girl's pussy. Slippery but tight, her muscles flexing. Grabbing and releasing. I imagine she is on top of me, slowly moving up and down, my hard shaft sliding up and down in her hole, her stretched pussy lips kissing my base each time she comes down. I imagine she has her hands on my chest, squeezing and caressing, her breasts teasing me as they jiggle with each movement of her body, her hair hanging in her face as she looks down at me. Up and down my hand moves, the K-Y making little slippery sounds. The girl starts to add a rhythmic round and round pattern to her movement, trying to grind her clit into my pubic mound each time she descends. Her nipples are tight and hard, pointing at my face as they bounce up and down. The sensation is getting excrutiatingly delicious. It will be here soon. She whips her head back and moans, her hair flying. Very soon. Ohhhhh. Her hair cascades across her shoulders. She moans again and her vaginal muscles tighten. Here it comes. I can feel the hot cum moving quickly up my shaft. She cries out. I start to growl. God! Ugh! Ugghhh! Yes! My cum shoots forth and fills her body. She squeals when it hits her and she tightens down even more. Her muscles only fuel the fire. Another load spurts into her. Oh fuck, yes! Again. And again...

...I lie on the bed regaining my breath. I wish she was really here. That was so fucking good.

Instead of cuddling I get up and walk into the bathroom to wash off.

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have sex with someone who doesn't speak your language? I would love to try it. After all, how much do you really need to say in order to get the job done? 69 would be the perfect postition. There's not a whole lot you can say anyway when your mouth is buried in her snatch or sucking on his cock.

Hey, so I'm really curious. Are there any women out there who:

A. Have multiple children at home under the age of five.
B. Are a stay-at-home mom.
C. Are annoyed that your husband is not giving you nearly enough sex.

And similarly, are there any guys out there who:

A. Have multiple children at home under the age of five.
B. Have a wife who is a stay-at-home mom.
C. Are getting plenty of sex from your wife.

Met a girl at a bar the other night. A friend of mine and I decided to go over to the local college campus to see a band after I put my kids to bed, and we ended up at a table with three extremely attractive freshman girls who somehow had managed to get into this bar even though you were supposed to be 21 or older to get in. We played various drinking games and put away quite a bit of alcohol, during which time one of the girls, Cheryl, and I flirted exclusively with each other. Eventually the band started playing and we all got up and kind of lost each other in the crowd. But after the show I found the girls again and saw that they were about to head out, so I grabbed Cheryl and asked her if she was going to leave without giving me her phone number. Remarkably, she said "No, I'll give you my phone number!" She wrote it down on a scrap of paper and handed it to me. Then, even more remarkably, she said, "Are you really gonna call me?" She was probably confused by my wedding ring, and rightfully so. I said sure. I put my hand on her arm and gave it a quick squeeze. Then I found my friend and we got the hell out of there. The next morning I chewed up the scrap of paper and swallowed it. It's nice to know that I still have whatever it takes to get a young woman's phone number, but I had to get rid of it. I can just see myself calling her in a moment of weakness, and that would not be good.

I think it's time for a best-tasting-pussy contest. Applications are currently being accepted by email. Please include your name, age, and a brief description (natural, shaved, waxed, etc.), plus hair color, if any. Please mention any jewelry or other interesting features. Pictures are encouraged but not required. Finalists will be contacted to arrange for the taste test. Contest organizer reserves the right to name multiple winners. Odds of you winning depend on the number of applicants. Odds of me winning are excellent.

OK, I'm kidding.

I think.

[I wrote this post Wednesday morning but forgot to post it until now]

I masturbated as soon as I woke up this morning (had to get rid of that morning wood, you know), and then went downstairs to check my email where I discovered a message from a certain girl (you know who you are). She said she was writing to me wearing nothing but undies. This, of course, forced me to masturbate all over again. So I came twice in less than 20 minutes. Not bad, for a guy. Does that count as having multiple orgasms?

I like this girl. Pretty much unintentionally, in a matter of weeks, she manages to land a book deal and a spread in Playboy by simply screwing a few guys and publishing a blog. And she was already getting paid generously to bang these dudes in the first place. Plus she got her job (where she met these guys) by lying about having a college degree. Once again I would like to reiterate how much I wish I was a hot, young, single chick who could pull off this kind of crap. I would be such a slut.

Dick and Chick are funny. I hope they keep posting.

Now that the opportunity has passed I suppose it's only fair to say that I had every intention of taking a bunch of nude pictures of myself this past week while my wife was out of town and sending them out to those of you who have, in the past, shown a definite interest in receiving said pics. But, alas, my wife unknowingly foiled my plans by taking the digital camera with her. I even, in a last-ditch effort to pull it off, went to Best Buy to see if I could buy a digital camera and then return it the next day. But it turns out you can't return opened cameras without paying a stiff restocking penalty. Oh well. There's always next time.