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"Can I have a kiss?" she said.

I turned and looked at her. I had just walked up to the bar to get a drink, and she was sitting on a stool to the right of me.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"I was wondering if you'd give me a kiss," she said, pointing over to my left. I looked over to where she was pointing and noticed a bowl of Hershey's Kisses.

"Ah," I said, "I see." I began to reach over to the bowl...

"No," she said, "I'm just kidding. I don't really want one. It's just that there's no mistletoe around here, you know?"

"Right," I said, pulling my hand back away from the bowl and looking around the room as if to confirm that there was indeed a lack of mistletoe, "That's an interesting line, though. I'll have to remember that. Except that it's not every day you find a bowl of kisses on the bar."

Several moments passed while I flagged down the bartender and ordered my drink.

"I'm serious about the kiss, though," she said.

"Have you been upstairs yet?" I asked, wondering if anyone had started dancing yet.

"No, but I'm going up as soon as my friends arrive. Are you going up too?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm gonna head up there now. If you'd like to dance, track me down when you get up there," I offered.

"Actually, I don't dance much," she said, "But I'm sure I'll still be up for that kiss."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, "OK...we'll see." I smiled at her, took my beer, and headed for the staircase.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope someone fucks you silly today.

Multiple times.

My boss sent me this joke the other day. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting any roses on my bedside table anytime soon.

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees are a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose. Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, vomited in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT.....Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!'"

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud - $3.00
Two Aspirins - $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless

Our neighborhood indoor pool recently reopened after undergoing a major three-month renovation, and I went there last night for the first time since then. I must say, it's very nice. The whole entire facility, floor to ceiling, looks brand new. Not bad for a place that is at least 20, if not 30, years old.

But what really caught my eye was a sign on the wall next to the hot tub that said, "This is a CO-ED facility. Bathing suits must be worn at all times."

I can't say I've ever seen such a sign at any other pool I've been to. And that makes me wonder--since rules are usually made to address some sort of problem, does that imply that there is a problem with nudity at this pool? If that's the case, I need to start going there a lot more often. I mean, really, why would someone take the time and expense of making up a sign like that unless there was an issue?

The other thing that struck me as funny about this sign was the first sentence. In my mind, the fact that the facility is CO-ED is that much more of a reason why bathing suits should NOT be worn. So, in a way, the sign seems to contradict itself.

But that's just me.

An online friend recently related a little story to me. We'll call her M. She's about my age, and she said that back in grad school when she lived in Arizona she was best friends with this guy we'll call B. And B eventually ended up getting married to someone we'll call W. M is single, by the way.

Anyway, as it turned out, when B got married, W told B that he could no longer be friends with M because W was afraid that M had a thing for B.

Now, right there this makes me not like W very much.

So B and W got married and eventually M moved away to Washington, DC. It was hard for M and B to keep up their friendship due to the long distance and the fact that they had to hide it from W, but somehow they managed. And every now and then when B came to New York City on business, M would drive up to see him.

Well, by and by, on one of these trips, M and B hooked up. It was inevitable if you ask me. So you could say that W was right all along.

Or at least, she was right in predicting what would happen. But I don't think she was justified in trying to keep it from happening.

B loved W and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But he also loved M, even if he didn't know it at the time. And M loved him.

And now there is a cloud of secrets, mistrust, and resentment over the lives of these people.

I think marriage should be a vow to stand by each other, support each other, etc., but I don't think it should restrict who you can love. Love is not something that can be restrained by contracts. Love does what it wants to do. Love comes and goes as it pleases.

As long as B still comes home to W at the end of the day, is there for her when she needs him, and is a good father to their children, isn't that what really matters?