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I just found out that one of my favorite downtown bars, a place that normally hosts live rock bands, is foregoing the concert idea next week in favor of a night of "Amateur Female Pumpkin Pie Wrestling."

Half-naked girls and pumpkin pie...two of my favorite things in the whole world. Could there be a more tacky and yet strangely tempting combination?

What are the chances that I could lick the pumpkin pie off of the girls when they're done?