logo by Saturday, July 09, 2005
I think an affair, if done right, could be very good for me and my marriage.
My wife is simply not a very sexual person. After 11 years with her, countless conversations, professional therapy, etc., I think I know her well enough to know that she just doesn't enjoy the kind of wild, frequent sex that I would like to have. She does not masturbate. It just doesn't interest her. She loves to be cuddled and kissed tenderly, and once in a while, maybe one or two times a month, she likes me to massage her pussy to orgasm.
Other than that, sex is something that we do only because I request it. If it was totally up to her, she would be the happiest woman in the world simply knowing that I will always be there for her, that I will be a good father to our kids, that I will give her a hug when she's feeling down, and that I will hold her in my arms for a while in bed at night.
For years this has made me angry. I often resent her for ruining my sex life. And that resentment has taken a constant toll on our marriage. I try to change her. I look at her lying there peacefully in bed and I get angry because I want to fuck her deep inside, lick and kiss her all over her body, and cum in her face. Maybe someday her hormones will change and she'll start to like that stuff, but I can't make it happen, nor can I depend on it happening anytime soon, if ever.
And so lately I've been thinking that a passionate affair with another girl who has the same issues with her husband that I have with my wife would actually be a good thing for my marriage. I would no longer feel angry that my wife won't do those things. I would no longer feel like life is passing me by and it's my wife's fault. I would stop feeling like I have to change her in order for me to be happy. I could hold her and kiss her and love her and be there for her in the way she needs and wants without constantly pressuring her to do stuff that she doesn't want to do.
I could see myself truly loving my wife if the pressure for sex was no longer an issue.
I know some of you totally disagree with this. And that's OK. You're entitled to your opinions, and I'm sure you'll let me know it. Many of you think I should ask for a separation or an open marriage. But I know her and I know that both of those things would destroy her. Many of you also feel that I should continue to talk with her and work with her in an effort to improve our sex lives. But after all these years I think I know her better than anyone and I know that, no matter what kind of incremental changes we might be able to make, she will never be able to truly satisfy me in bed. Some of you feel I should just suck it up and deal with the lack of sex as something that goes along with the "for better or worse" part of our marriage vows.
Many of you have told me that if I have an affair my kids will know something is wrong and they will grow up psychologically damaged. I disagree, though. I think I could show a lot more true love for my wife and that our home would actually be a happier place if I could separate the stress of not having sex from the otherwise good things in our marriage. I would love to be able to look at my wife tenderly and lovingly and know that we are both happy because we are both getting what we need out of our lives, even if we're not getting all of it from each other.
It's a lot to expect that one person could possibly provide everything you need in life. And I think that, perhaps, the institution of marriage places too much of an emphasis on this nearly impossible task.
At least that's what I'm thinking this morning.
My wife is simply not a very sexual person. After 11 years with her, countless conversations, professional therapy, etc., I think I know her well enough to know that she just doesn't enjoy the kind of wild, frequent sex that I would like to have. She does not masturbate. It just doesn't interest her. She loves to be cuddled and kissed tenderly, and once in a while, maybe one or two times a month, she likes me to massage her pussy to orgasm.
Other than that, sex is something that we do only because I request it. If it was totally up to her, she would be the happiest woman in the world simply knowing that I will always be there for her, that I will be a good father to our kids, that I will give her a hug when she's feeling down, and that I will hold her in my arms for a while in bed at night.
For years this has made me angry. I often resent her for ruining my sex life. And that resentment has taken a constant toll on our marriage. I try to change her. I look at her lying there peacefully in bed and I get angry because I want to fuck her deep inside, lick and kiss her all over her body, and cum in her face. Maybe someday her hormones will change and she'll start to like that stuff, but I can't make it happen, nor can I depend on it happening anytime soon, if ever.
And so lately I've been thinking that a passionate affair with another girl who has the same issues with her husband that I have with my wife would actually be a good thing for my marriage. I would no longer feel angry that my wife won't do those things. I would no longer feel like life is passing me by and it's my wife's fault. I would stop feeling like I have to change her in order for me to be happy. I could hold her and kiss her and love her and be there for her in the way she needs and wants without constantly pressuring her to do stuff that she doesn't want to do.
I could see myself truly loving my wife if the pressure for sex was no longer an issue.
I know some of you totally disagree with this. And that's OK. You're entitled to your opinions, and I'm sure you'll let me know it. Many of you think I should ask for a separation or an open marriage. But I know her and I know that both of those things would destroy her. Many of you also feel that I should continue to talk with her and work with her in an effort to improve our sex lives. But after all these years I think I know her better than anyone and I know that, no matter what kind of incremental changes we might be able to make, she will never be able to truly satisfy me in bed. Some of you feel I should just suck it up and deal with the lack of sex as something that goes along with the "for better or worse" part of our marriage vows.
Many of you have told me that if I have an affair my kids will know something is wrong and they will grow up psychologically damaged. I disagree, though. I think I could show a lot more true love for my wife and that our home would actually be a happier place if I could separate the stress of not having sex from the otherwise good things in our marriage. I would love to be able to look at my wife tenderly and lovingly and know that we are both happy because we are both getting what we need out of our lives, even if we're not getting all of it from each other.
It's a lot to expect that one person could possibly provide everything you need in life. And I think that, perhaps, the institution of marriage places too much of an emphasis on this nearly impossible task.
At least that's what I'm thinking this morning.
