logo by chick

I don't remember when was the last time I held a girl in my arms and looked into her eyes and truly felt a connection with her. As if even for just a moment we are totally in agreement about everything. Not everything in the world. Just everything that matters at that moment. As if the other things don't matter. Either because they are inconsequential or because you don't know what they are yet or because you know what they are and they do matter but you just don't care because the moment right now is all that matters. I want to get back to that point. The point where it's all about us and the fact that we are together looking into each others eyes and the temperature of the room doesn't matter and whether the windows are open doesn't matter and whether people can hear us doesn't matter and whether we have to get up early tomorrow doesn't matter. And all we want to do is be with each other and find out more about each other. And we can hold each other for hours and still not want to let go. And we like everything that the other says and we like everything that we see about each other. Not that either of us is perfect and not that either of us is under the illusion that the other is perfect but just that the little inconsistencies are cute and endearing rather than annoying and nagging. And we hold each other because we are crazy about being close to each other and we want to touch each other because the urge is so strong and not because it's something that we feel like we should do because we haven't done it in a while and not because everyone says keeping a relationship going is a lot of work and you have to make an effort to keep the feeling alive. I want it to be an effort to pull away. I want it to be painful to be out of each other's sight. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach when I'm at work and she pops into my mind and I can't get anything done because all I can do is think of her and I have to get up and go outside and take a walk because I can't sit still thinking about her and how much I want to be with her and hold her and touch her hair and listen to her talk about anything or nothing because I like the sound of her voice and I like the way she thinks. And I call her on her cell phone not because I need to know whether one of us paid the credit card bill but because I just want to hear her pretty voice and she sends me an email that says something silly and makes me laugh when I'm on a conference call with some coworkers and they want to know what's so funny and I don't know what to tell them because the reason it's funny is because it came from her and she meant it to be funny and not because of any other reason that anyone else would understand.

You forget all these things as the years go by as if they never happened and then one day something unexpected happens that jogs your memory and it all comes rushing back reminding you of the way it was and you wonder if it's really just a reminder of the past or whether it could also be a reminder of what it could still be like in the future if things were somehow different.