logo by Friday, April 01, 2005
Most of you probably wouldn't be surprised to know that I've been searching for a girlfriend on and off for some time now. It's a decision I made a long time ago, but I haven't been very forthcoming about it, even with myself, because its a decision that has no concrete goal or timeframe. All I know for sure is that when I'm 70 I want to be with my wife, and only my wife. But at 34, that's an entire lifetime away. Literally. What I need to be happy in the meantime is much less clear to me. I'm not even sure if sex is what I want. Well, duh, of course sex is what I want, but is it the main thing? Part of me thinks that what I really want is just a girl who wants to be with me. Someone who thinks about me when she's at work. Someone who wants to hang out with me and do fun things together. Someone who wants to be held and kissed and... but where does it stop? Eventually if you follow that path you're gonna end up having sex. And then, even scarier for a married man like me, you're gonna fall in love. And that's big trouble.
I've met a number of girls from doing this blog. Some of whom I chat with from time to time. One or two of whom I feel very close to and would probably like to meet if I could. But that isn't likely to happen. We all live too far away from each other.
I've also met some local girls from craigslist, but as with the blog they've all turned out to be just friends. That's good, actually. It's great to have more female friends. But I'm thinking it would also be nice, albeit dangerous, to meet a local girl who is interested in going a bit farther than just friendship. But so far she hasn't come into my life.
So for the time being my life hasn't really changed. More girls will probably come and go before anything really happens, if anything really happens. But I continue to search and dream. And yes, I do still continue to work on my marriage. But eight-plus years of struggling to make it fun have taken their toll on me and have left me somewhat jaded about any real hope for the immediate future.
Anyway, Fridays often put me in a strange mood, so I just felt like sharing.
I've met a number of girls from doing this blog. Some of whom I chat with from time to time. One or two of whom I feel very close to and would probably like to meet if I could. But that isn't likely to happen. We all live too far away from each other.
I've also met some local girls from craigslist, but as with the blog they've all turned out to be just friends. That's good, actually. It's great to have more female friends. But I'm thinking it would also be nice, albeit dangerous, to meet a local girl who is interested in going a bit farther than just friendship. But so far she hasn't come into my life.
So for the time being my life hasn't really changed. More girls will probably come and go before anything really happens, if anything really happens. But I continue to search and dream. And yes, I do still continue to work on my marriage. But eight-plus years of struggling to make it fun have taken their toll on me and have left me somewhat jaded about any real hope for the immediate future.
Anyway, Fridays often put me in a strange mood, so I just felt like sharing.
